Last night while I was lying wide awake in bed at 1 am I decided that I was going to lose the weight! I have been saying how much I need to lose weight for almost a year now and sometimes I really believe that I believe one day I will wake up and be skinny!!! I know this is funny but why else would I keep putting it off while I keep putting them on (pounds that is)! You see 2 years ago I had and excuse! At least I thought it was an acceptable excuse. I had just had a baby and well I made excuses that it was ok to be a little overweight well, a year ago I was 50 lbs lighter! Just think if I had started a year ago look what I would be doing today! I know I wouldn't be blogging about how I'M GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT! That's for dang sure! Not only had I just had a baby but, my husband lost his job about that time and it took him a little while to find another one so, I worked 2 jobs and for several months. The free time I did have I sure as hell didn't want to exercise! It was a lot more enjoyable to relax and EAT!!!! I kept telling myself I'll start when Brody gets a little older or I'll start when I am not so tired ... guess what the fatter you get the more tired you become! I look at skinnier woman especially ones that have babies the same age as mine and thank they are soooo freaking skinny (sometimes they are really skinny and sometimes they are average size)! It doesn't matter what size they are they ALL look better than me! I also look at plus size women and think to myself “O, that 'Big Girl' is cute!" Keep in mind I AM A BIG GIRL!
The weight has affected all points in my life!!! I am embarrassed to hang out with my "Skinny Friends" because of what they may think about me or when we are in public together other people are calling me the "Big Girl" I don't want to show affection to my husband in public because I think people are looking at us saying " Look at that Big Girl with that Skinny Guy". I won't take pictures anymore because I'm fat! My son is 2 1/2 and I probably have 25 pictures of me and him because I don't want to see the way I look! If you know me at all or knew me before you know how much I love pictures of myself! There was a brief time in my life that I was actually pretty happy with the way I looked! That was probably the day I graduated high school and shortly before I started dating Michael (the last time)! So, probably 3 years of my life I was happy with how I looked! By all means I was not fat in high school! I was very athletic! I played softball and basketball all through school so, I was exercising all year! Once that slowed down and I didn't change my eating habits my weight started creeping up! Even in high school I wasn't happy with the way I looked but what I wouldn't give to look like that now!
Ok, so most of my life I have had issues with my body but I am going to take control and be that once Skinny self confidant girl that I know lives inside me is dying to be seen!!!!
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