Sunday, June 26, 2011


Isn't if funny how we perceive ourselves.  I mean when we look in the mirror we automatically judge ourselves. It is horrible torture what our minds put us through just on body image alone.

I remember being in Jr High barely weighing 115lbs thinking I was fat.  I never thought I was pretty enough or skinny enough.  I remember sitting in class during the summer and I wouldn't put my feet flat on the floor because it made my legs look bigger. Um, didn't realize that it happened to everyone.  I did grow up a little and realized that I actually was HOT!!!!!! That was short lived!  During High School I played sports all year round so I was very very active.  When I went to college I started gaining weight but I was like I sitll look ok.   A year after I got married I had gained over 60lbs ... I was also on a lot of medication that makes you gain weight and I still am.   I manged to lose 50lbs and I maintained that until I got pregnant.  I weigh the same now as I did when I was 9 months pregnant.  Brody is almost 3! When I was young I used to look in the mirror and think I was fat and then I saw pictures and thought O, I'm not that fat!  Now, I look in the mirror and say O. I'm not that fat! When I see pictures it I am like you are so freaking fat!  Our minds are tricky and I don't like it!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I will cry if I want to

Well, I just turned 30 this past Wednesday and it was probably the worst day I have had in a long time!  I should have expected it because I cry every birthday! I cried and cried all day and it wasn' t because I was turned 30.  I just cried!