Am I supposed to be fixed?

I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. “Am I supposed to be cured?” For some reason I thought when I walked out the doors of the Psyche Ward I would be “Fixed”. I would be happy. I would no longer think crazy things and I wouldn’t be agitated so easily. Guess what? I am not “Fixed” I didn’t have those thoughts immediately but I have had them and I have felt that way since I walked out those doors. All I kept thinking while I was there how much I wanted to be home but, I have thought maybe I should go back. It was easy there. I was pretty much told what to do the whole time I was there. The hardest thing I had to do was to figure out how to fill my time. I did that by reading, playing bored games or talking with people. That thought doesn’t last long. I remember how bad it hurt to be away from the people I love. “They” told us our problems and anxieties would be here when we returned home and guess what? They were right. I can’t keep the thoughts out of my head. I can’t stop myself from feeling anxious. “What’s wrong with me?” I keep asking. “Just stop!” I tell myself but, it’s not that easy. I know my life isn’t that bad and I know how truly blessed I am for all of the things I do have and for my wonderful family and friends but, that doesn’t seem to make a difference. I can’t sleep because if I go to sleep tomorrow will be here quicker and a new day is scary. I don’t know why it scares me. Well, I do know partly why it scares me! “Snap out of it.” I tell myself but, I just can’t. I feel trapped! I just want to escape reality and just be with my family with no worries, living care free and having fun. I want to enjoy life again! I want to look forward to the future. I don’t want to be scared of tomorrow!