I can't escape

Is it too much to ask to be loved? Not only to be loved but to be told that I am loved. To feel like I am loved. Instead of breaking me down why can't you lift me up? I am so weak and I need you to be strong.


I have always been the "strong one". The one that took care of things. The person who would advise and listen and do things for others without asking of anything in return. I am the girl that would send encouraging words through the mail because it would brighten their day. I was the girl that everyone thought was so confidant but underneath my smile I was dying inside.

I have been living in such sadness that I don't even know when I became so overwhelmed that I became the person I am now. The girl that wallows in her self pity daily. The girl that blames others for her sadness. The girl that would rather stay in bed than do anything at all. The girl that doesn't talk to her friends because talking is just too much. The girl who has good intentions when making plans but when the time comes I become so overwhelmed and scared that I often break plans. I don't care if I leave the house. I don't care if I talk to anyone.

I just want to be happy again! I know that I don't want to live this life like this because I have basically stopped living and I am just existing.