The following answer is what I think my mother would say if I asked her this question.
Numbing your heart only makes it harder to feel and enjoy the joyous moments when they come into your life, it makes it harder to truly love yourself and others fully and receive that love in return and most of all my darling – it doesn’t stop you from feeling the hurt. Because no matter how hard you try to feel numb – it is only by carrying that pain around that you can harden yourself against it.
I see you continually reminding yourself of your past disappointments and hurts in order to ‘not feel’ and to do that you must keep remembering to guard your heart against them, this is not letting go of them this is carrying around an ever growing pack of hurt that gets heavier and heavier every day. Sweetheart, it’s time to put it down.
This isn’t who you are. The child I remember you to be is full of life, intelligence and most of all loving and compassionate with such depth of being and empathy, that I know this is one of the reasons you have tried to mask your feelings. I have to say my lovely daughter it is time to reclaim who you really are, the real you is there hiding and I still see glimpses of her in the way you look at your beautiful son.
Do you truly believe you will hurt any less if the worst happens? Please give your tired heart a break, allow it to fully acknowledge and enjoy the joyous moments for they are the moments that heal you and your heart. It is in the healing that resilience develops and grows. Every time you allow yourself to feel fully the moment you are in whether grievous or joyous your heart becomes stronger and more flexible and is able to carry you through the tough times and elevate you to heights unexpected in the happy times.
Be strong enough to be vulnerable and you will find your life so much more worth living in-joy your joy fully, ecstatically without worry of what the future might or might not hold. Why borrow trouble when it is not a sure thing? Allow yourself to feel the moments as they pass and they do pass. Take a leaf from the book of childhood, children cry, laugh, whine, wonder, get angry, excited, disappointed, ecstatic.. All in the space of a moment and herein lays the strength of your inner child – trust your inner child to carry you through by allowing it to acknowledge the moments of your life fully and let them go.
This is the secret to being happy my darling, to fully feel each moment and then let it go.
Make a promise to yourself to feel the joy in each moment, in the little things, and to allow it to lift you up to where you can handle the rest of your life. Feel grateful for each moment for they bring on the next and please. Now is the time to create happy memories you have been blessed in this moment with and those memories will be there in the future no matter what. I believe you will be sharing those moments with your son when he is not so little and you will enjoy the moment when you can share the memories with him – make them happy ones and be grateful for the time that has been given to you to expand your heart.
I want to ask you too, what will you want to teach your son about life, joy and love will you teach him to live fully in every moment? I know you will, to do this well you will need to be a person who lives fully in every moment – be the role model your son will need you to be show him that life joyous in the adventure of being alive!
Remember joy is a moment-to-moment choice – make the choice to make joy and gratitude your focus and I promise your life will change completely from the very moment you make that choice.
And remember I love you and are eternally grateful for each joyous moment I have had you in my life.
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