On February 18th 2010 I was admitted to the Psyche Ward of a nearby hospital. If you had asked me a year ago if I ever thought this would happen I would have said “ NO!” and probably would have bet money on it. I did happen and I was there for 4 long days! 4 horrible days! You don’t realize how much freedom you have until it is taken away. I mean completely take away. I was told what to do and when to do it! I had to ask permission to do anything from brushing my teeth to taking a shower. I was told when to wake up and when to go to bed. The hardest decision I had to make was if I should read, play board game or color! I was locked behind doors! I was trapped or should I say kidnapped? Held hostage? I couldn’t go outside for fresh air or even to fill the cold on my skin. I had to give a daily report on whether or not I had pooped or if I felt the need to hurt myself. You see that is how I ended up in the psyche ward in the 1st place. I wanted to wreck my car …. Drive into a tree or something. I had no intention of killing myself. I just wanted to be hurt. I know you think it sounds crazy but that is what I was battling in my head on my way to work that morning. I was overwhelmed with those thoughts! I knew I needed help but what kind of help did I need? Did I need to be committed or did I just need someone to talk to? The ER thought I needed to be committed even though I never said or had any intention of killing myself! I am still not sure if that was the best thing for me but, that’s what happened and well I can’t change it now!
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