Written 9-25-11

I don't even know if you think that our love is worth saving ........Am I worth fighting for?


Have we stopped believing in us?

Have you stopped believing in me because I am not sure if I believe in you anymore?

I want you to love me again!

I want us to have dreams!

I want to live a love song!

Note I found that I had written to Michael on 10-2-11

Why is it so hard to love me?




Is this the way it is supposed to be? I remember at the beginning it was wonderful and we had so much fun! You thought I was great. I thought you were wonderful and I know that we don't think that way anymore. I am not even sure if you love me. I am not sure if I love you! All I want is to be truly loved by someone and I want to feel like I am special I know things have changed and you don't feel that way about me and I don't feel that way about you! So, what do we do? Do you want to fix it or do we just give up and accept the fact that once upon a time we were what each other needed/wanted/loved and we are not that way anymore. I know that the majority of the problem is me but I feel like I was abandoned by you and I am just living my life alone without a partner! I changed and You changed and we are now at this crossroads ....... do we walk together hand in hand or do we say goodbye and take separate roads and hopefully find happiness again!

Things left unsaid

There are so many things that I want to say! So, many things that I know I shouldn't be doing and so many things I can't help but do. I am 30 years old and newly separated and well I am sure you will all get to read about my journey to finding love and happiness again!

Indifferent

So, today Michael told me that he got paperwork to start our divorce proceedings and I just feel so blah about it!  It's like I don't have a feeling ,,,, weird!

I'm sad

I have an ache in my chest and all I want is for it to be fixed!  I want to feel happy and I want to feel joy! All I want is to know that this is the right thing and that everything will be ok!  It has to be ok because I can't handle it if it is not ok!

12-25-11

My <3 is broken!

Everytime I see him it takes all that have from breaking down and begging him to take me back. I am on the verge of tears a million times through out the day and I have know one to blame but myself!

Scared to be Alone

Last Night I begged for him to take me back. I begged and cried and pleaded for him to take me back.  I don't know if I really want him back but I want B to be happy. He said he didn't love me anymore and that he can't be married to me.  My life choices hve not been great and I am the one who suffers and deals with the pain. I am 30 years old and have a ton of life to live.  I just want it to be better than before!