5 Low Lights of 2010

1.  I was admitted to the Psyche Ward 

2.  I lost my job

3.  I moved into a travel trailer in my parents yard

4.  My 4 Runner was re-possessed

5.  I am the heaviest I have ever been

I am so ready for this year to be over and for 2011 be the total opposite of 2010! 

Are you talking to me?

Commercial After Commercial all you hear is ........... 
Hydroxycut - I lost 25lbs I lost 17lbs I lost 32lbs in only 6 weeks.  Jenny Craig - I lost 4 paint sizes in 4 weeks! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! 

           Saturday while I was at the mall a random lady came up to me and said " O, you look so cute! When are you do?" I was shocked but was able to come up with an answer. I said  "April"  I felt so horrible because GUESS WHAT I'M NOT PREGNANT! 
           I mean I know I'm fat but Geez the nerve of some people! I know I need to lose weight but I just can't seem to get motivated but, what's it gonna take for me to get off my ASS!

Depression Hurts!

When someone in the family is depressed, the whole family is affected. Depression is a silent disease that sucks the energy and joy out of a person's life. If is very difficult for one has not experienced depression to understand its significance. Depending on the type and degree of depression the individual may have to live with their illness their entire life. Depression must be accepted as an illness and not a lousy character trait. 

What are the signs and symptoms of depression?

Symptoms include:

• Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
• Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Overeating, or appetite loss
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

The Repo Man

Well,  Monday morning 12-6-10 @ 6am Michael and I woke up to beating on our trailer door! My heart stopped I began to think the worst! I heard my dad telling Michael that someone was here to pick up the 4Runner ...... FUCK! That's all I could think! We had made the payments and were caught up so, I had know idea that this was even going to happen! So, us being the nice people that we are didn't give the repo man any problems and just let him take my baby!  So, then I called my bank that my loan is through and they said the reason it was towed was because I owed $75 in late fees are you freaking kidding me! So, It wound up costing us $1140 to get my car back! BULLSHIT!  When are things going to get better?

If only the answer was yes!

     I am 29! I have been married for 6 years! I have a 2 year old son! I live in a travel trailer in my parents front yard! I don't have a job! We have NO money! We owe A LOT of money! I am sad! I feel worthless! I am not the Lynsey I used to be! What would make me happy? I don't know is the answer. Nothing makes me happy!  I will have little glimpses of happiness when Brody does something sweet or cute but they fade quickly! For the most part I am just sad. I have felt this ache in my heart for so long I don't even remember being happy! 

     I feel like I am locked in a room and the walls are closing in! I am suffocating and I am broken into a million pieces!  My heart is heavy and it aches constantly!  I feel empty and without meaning. If I didn't exist nothing in the world would change. It would be the same with or without me! 

     Can I runaway and start over again? Can I be anyone else but me? Can I go back in time and change my life? If only the answer was yes! 

Stand Still, Look Pretty

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself


But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart

I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start

You might think it's easy being me

You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking

In the middle of the night

And then it hits me and I can't

Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine

I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time

And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths

I'm not strong enough to deal with it

Decisions... Decisions!

Well, I was offered a job today that seemed to be great! The money that could be made was something that I never would dream that I would be able to make but, it was one of those jobs that becomes your life! They wanted me to work 6 per week including nights! I thought about it, prayed about it and talked about it and ultimately came up with the decision to decline the job offer! I  hope this is not one of those decisions that I look back on in a couple of months or a couple of years and think that I should of taken it!