Am I supposed to be fixed?

I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. “Am I supposed to be cured?” For some reason I thought when I walked out the doors of the Psyche Ward I would be “Fixed”. I would be happy. I would no longer think crazy things and I wouldn’t be agitated so easily. Guess what? I am not “Fixed” I didn’t have those thoughts immediately but I have had them and I have felt that way since I walked out those doors. All I kept thinking while I was there how much I wanted to be home but, I have thought maybe I should go back. It was easy there. I was pretty much told what to do the whole time I was there. The hardest thing I had to do was to figure out how to fill my time. I did that by reading, playing bored games or talking with people. That thought doesn’t last long. I remember how bad it hurt to be away from the people I love. “They” told us our problems and anxieties would be here when we returned home and guess what? They were right. I can’t keep the thoughts out of my head. I can’t stop myself from feeling anxious. “What’s wrong with me?” I keep asking. “Just stop!” I tell myself but, it’s not that easy. I know my life isn’t that bad and I know how truly blessed I am for all of the things I do have and for my wonderful family and friends but, that doesn’t seem to make a difference. I can’t sleep because if I go to sleep tomorrow will be here quicker and a new day is scary. I don’t know why it scares me. Well, I do know partly why it scares me! “Snap out of it.” I tell myself but, I just can’t. I feel trapped! I just want to escape reality and just be with my family with no worries, living care free and having fun. I want to enjoy life again! I want to look forward to the future. I don’t want to be scared of tomorrow!

This sums it all up!

“Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy."